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This would be hilarious if it weren't so close to the truth!




Aussie humour at its best ...

In case you need a laugh:


Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high

school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet’

that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,

and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots

(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by

maintenance engineers..


P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute


S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny............. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer..

S: Took hammer away from midget.



A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her,

“Father, may I ask a favour?”

“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits

and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me.

Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me?

Under your robe, perhaps?

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her.

The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked,

“And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman,

but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead!!

 The Plank video


I  found  this  to  be  very  funny.  There  are  a  lot  of  characters  in  it  that  you may  remember


From  the  60s  70s  &  80s.  Plus  the  fact  there  are  only  3  words  spoken  in  the  whole  video

My Blackberry is not working


So, for all you techies out there – log on to this…. 

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